Wedding Wrecks, Fangirl Edition

Sep. 20th, 2017 01:00 pm
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Posted by Jen

Imani wanted this cake for her wedding, only with bright lime green flowers instead of pink:

 

She got this:

 

Yeeeah.

 

And Meredith asked for this design with little pumpkins instead of apples:

 

... but she got this:

 

Preach.

 

And finally, as a baker herself, Zoey decided to keep her wedding cake design SUPER simple to avoid potential wreckage:

No piping required! Just plain frosted tiers and colored sugar crystals!

 

Say it with me, now:

What could possibly go wrong?

 

Oooh, Sherlock, you so bad.

 

Thanks to Imani R., Meredith R., & Zoey K., who want to know if I seriously just turned this post into a SuperWhoLock love fest. And the answer is yes, YES I DID.

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Let's Play Telephone

Sep. 19th, 2017 01:00 pm
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Posted by Jen

Ever wonder what could possibly go wrong with a simple inscription on a basic cake? Well, WONDER NO MORE. 

Below I've listed the inscriptions some of my trusty Wreckporters ordered from professional bakeries, followed by the cakes they actually received:

 

"God Bless Neal"

I hear it's His middle name.

 

"Welcome Baby Arnold"

The spacing is what really sells it.

 

"Happy Birthday Mom"

Now that's a cake only a mother named Bob could love.

[Btw, I'm starting to wonder if a baker named Bob is doing these on purpose. And if so, I want to shake Bob's hand.]

 

"Congrats British Lit"

I hope this starts a trend; I want to see all the ways bakers butcher "Kyrgyzstanian."

 

"Happy Bandwidth Upgrade Day"

"Band With Upgrade" is the name of my retro Steam Powered Giraffe cover band.

(I realize only about 3 people will get that joke... and I'm ok with that.)

 

"Grats to Dad"

I like to think this is the baker's revenge on everyone who shortens "congratulations" to "grats." "CONGRATS" IS SHORT ENOUGH, PEOPLE.

 

"Old Dirty Thirty"

At some point you stop being surprised. Or so I'm told.

 

"When I'm 64"

That's actually how John says it when he's singing in his "drunk McCartney" voice, so maybe Kit sang her order over the phone. Drunk. While imitating Paul McCartney. 

(Don't keep us in suspense, now, Kit: did you?)

 

Thanks to Colleen C., Suzanne R., Morgan & Eric, Katie D., Ethan D., Leslie C., Becky L., & Kit K. for really phoning it in today. ;)

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Now That's A Bad Day

Sep. 18th, 2017 01:00 pm
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Posted by Jen

Where is the moment we needed the most?

You kick up the leaves and the Volvo is lost...

You tell me your blue skies fade to grey

Your baker still hates you, too, they say

But I don't need no carryin' on!


You fall in the line just to hit a new low

You pretend that you meant to, but everyone knows


You tell me it's hard working here offline

Your coworkers mock you all the time

But I don't need no carryin' on!


So you had a bad day

You're itching downtown,

You sing a sad song just to drown out the sound!


You say you must know,

You tell me don't lie,

Then you work on a smile and you opt for the pie.


You had a bad day!

Now that's a bad day.

 

Thanks to wreckporters Connie L., Deborah P., Melissa F., Fribby, Monique R., Anony M., & Rachel B. for inspiring a new CW policy: from now on, we want any and all apologies handwritten. ON CAKE.

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Posted by Jen

Whether you're a kid or just feel like one, nothing beats seeing one of your favorite characters in cake, am I right?

And if you've already seen Guardians of the Galaxy 2, I bet this is one of your new favorites:

(By Tattooed Bakers)

HE IS GROOT!

And just look at all that fabulous detail & airbrushing!

 

Here's another favorite no one's ready to "let go" just yet:

(By The Hobby Baker, photo by Alison Greenwood)

Olaf! Let's just pretend he's singing our version of his summer song.

(Those waves are fantastic, btw; love how the number 5 is floating off to the side.)

 

Groot and Olaf may be the new characters in town, but some classics never get old:

(By Sonata Torte)

Winnie-the-Pooh, and the whole gang, too!

 

I'll admit it: I still love cartoons, and I still really love the Ninja Turtles:

(By You've Been Cupcaked)

Look how cute! And lookit Mikey on his back! D'awww.

 

This next one is for my fellow writer Sharyn, because "it's so fluffy I'm gonna die!!"

(By The Bunny Baker)

That's Agnes from Despicable Me, and I want her stuffed unicorn.

 

Ever see a character you grew up with and instantly get the show's theme song stuck in your head?

(By Richards' Cakes)

"Down in Fraggle Rock!"

 

Time for another favorite, this time from The Lego Movie:

(By April Heather)

Yay Unikitty!

Would you believe April is just a hobby baker? She made this for her daughter, so I think I speak for us all when I say, "JEALOUS."

 

How about an old arcade classic?

(By Sculpted Sweets)

It's Pac-Man, now in 3D! Great design, great colors.

 

And everyone's favorite Pixar robot:

(By Sweet Disposition Cakes)

Wall-E! Look closely; that "dirt" is actually chocolate sprinkles.

Here's a fun flashback for you: my first Sunday Sweets EVER was of a Wall-E cake.
I also have the Pop Funko toy perched on my monitor, so he can watch me while I work. :)

 

And another universally loved 'bot - though I think he prefers "droid":

(By Mira que Tarta)

R2D2!

Like Wall-E, there are a TON of great R2 cakes out there, but I love the extra details here: the themed number 7, the Tatooine landscape, and those bitty yellow wires on R2's "feet."

 

And finally, from droids to dragons:

(By Richards' Cakes)

WOW.

This How To Train Your Dragon masterpiece needs a closer look, so here are a few detail shots:

He's even wearing a saddle!

I'm amazed bakers this talented don't also go into the clay figurine business. I'd buy some of these dragons for my desk in a heartbeat!

 

Hope you enjoyed your Sweets today, everyone! Happy Sunday!

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Fade To Wreck

Sep. 15th, 2017 01:00 pm
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Posted by Jen

Just when you thought Fridays couldn't get any better, along comes...

WEDDING WRECKS!

 

Molly S. ordered this lovely ombré design for her wedding cake:

But instead, she got this:

Molly paid $500 for it.
It was still frozen solid in the middle.
And it left a giant puddle on the tablecloth.

NEXT!

 

Stephanie R. tells us the bride wanted a combo of these two cakes:

Oooh. Aaah.

So, a blue ombré fade on a smooth tiered cake with a monogram?

ROGER THAT.

o.0

***

ROGER, KILL THAT.

 

And finally, not a wedding cake, but Michelle tells me they wanted this for Madisyn's birthday:

 

I guess the baker didn't feel like making all those strands of fondant, though - which would probably be ok, provided the aforementioned baker can pipe even lines of oh who are we kidding.

Mmm. Finger-y.

 

Thanks to Molly, Stephanie, & Michelle for reminding us maybe it's time for a new trend. I'm thinking... chevrons. Eh? What could go wrong?

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Well that’s just unfair

Sep. 14th, 2017 09:38 pm
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Posted by Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

Yesterday I finally shook my head clear of the fog it’s been in, and decided that it was time to get myself in gear.  I went to the grocery store. I planned a good dinner. I cooked that dinner, and I fed it to people I love.  I managed to say something vaguely supportive to a friend, and when the lady in the queue ahead of me in the shop was annoyed about how many bruises were on the apples she’d chosen, I somehow magnificently managed not to say anything that even remotely suggested that her problems were totally ridiculous to me (and should be to her) unless they involved a dead mother.

I even sat down to work for a little bit – to start getting caught up on the chaos that is my work life.  That’s right, my mum’s been dead two weeks, almost to the hour, and I just yesterday managed to acknowledge that I have to earn a living, and contribute meaningfully to the charity I’ve promised my time to, and I did that.  I sat down, thought something like “C’mon Steph, get it together” and moments later, my laptop had a complete seizure and suffered a fatal stroke. I’ve had that beast since 2011, I planned the first Sock Summit on it, that’s how old it is, and now is when it leaves me.  It’s a joke, I tell you. I can only assume that it was depressed by the goings-on around here and decided there was nothing left to hang on for.  (It was wrong. I swear I was pulling my scene together.)  I took it as a sign, a sign that I was supposed to be knitting, and set about making our wee Elliot a hat. (This is Canada. Winter is coming. Winter is always coming.) I’d had my eye on this Garter Ear Flap hat from Purl Soho for ages, and I had some MadelineTosh DK (so aptly called “Happiness”, which is just what I’m looking for) and a little math and whammo – that pattern works just fine.

IMG_7593

It’s sweet as pie, actually, and Meg put it on him after dinner (that’s a lie. I rammed it on his wee head so fast it made his head spin around) and we both agreed it made him look properly like a gnome, and cackled about that for some time.  (There is a very, very great deal to be said about how much a tiny person can lift spirits.)

IMG_7513

Suits him, doesn’t it? He’s so happy and unaffected by all that’s going on around him, and making him little things is such a balm for my heart, and Meg’s too, I think. He’s been nothing but light and sunshine over the last little bit, and for a minute or two I didn’t even mind so much that my mother and my laptop were dead while he smiled at me.

IMG_1585

Today was all about starting him another sweater, because I see now that he’s the secret to sanity over the next bit – and somehow trying to whip my iPad into shape to do at least part of the job of my laptop for a few days before I can figure out how to replace it.  If this entry looks weird, it’s because I’ve worked out a really odd system for getting a post up. I suspect it will be the pictures that are really strange, but screw it. Look at me! I got something done two days in a row.

I honestly never thought I’d be proud of that. See you tomorrow, if nothing else dies.

Happy Womb Expulsion Day!

Sep. 14th, 2017 01:00 pm
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Posted by Jen

 All together, now!

 

Happy bathday to you...

 

Happy birdhday to you...

*sigh*

[ahem]

Happy BLIMDAY dear...

[whimper]

 

Brithty sooo-oong...

[sound of head banging on desktop]

 

HAAAAPPY...

 

 

 

(For a 90-yr-old grandmother)

 

 

(Supposed to be "Matthew.")

 

OH FORGET IT.

 

Thanks to Alex B., Alexander O., Aaron, Brittany G., Amber T., Anita B., Allison R., Anony M., Gemma G., Genevieve B, & Julia G. for the wreck-along.

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John's Final Straw

Sep. 13th, 2017 01:00 pm
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Posted by john (the hubby of Jen)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks to Natalia R., Anony M., Sandra B., Lisa S., and Vicky G. for sparking the idea.

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Stick A Pick In It

Sep. 12th, 2017 01:00 pm
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Posted by Jen

"...and to avoid any possible mistakes, instead of any writing on the cake I'd like you to just use one of those plastic 'Happy Birthday' picks, please."

 

"No, no, I don't want you to write it, I want you to use one. You know, the 'Happy Birthday' sticks? Yes. One of those."

 

"Maybe I'm using the wrong word. Um... do you have a decorative plaque you put on cakes? One that says 'Happy Birthday'? Because that's all I want. Really. Just that!"

[massaging temples]

 

"See, now you just wrote 'pick' again."

 

"Aha! Well, you DID use some birthday plaques this time. But see, that's all I want! No writing, just one plain 'Happy Birthday' plaque."

 

"I feel like we're going in circles here.

 

"Tell you what, forget the sticks, picks, and plaques, k? Go ahead and write happy birthday. JUST HAPPY BIRTHDAY. That's it. Got it?"

 

Thanks to Emily H., Garret E., Dan N., Savannah W., Shelly F., Melissa W., & Evan H. for today's just desserts.

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Through

Sep. 11th, 2017 05:40 pm
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Posted by Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

Three weeks ago today, I went over to my mother’s house after physiotherapy, with the intention of running her over to the doctor because she had a virus. She’d been feeling crappy for about a week. We ended up at the ER instead, and mum never went home. She was admitted that day, and she died ten days later.  It was shocking, it was fast, and I know that I am supposed to be grateful for her sake that it was so swift, but I am having trouble finding gratitude for any part of it. I’ve been asked several times if I’m angry, and I don’t think I am – I just feel sad and shocked and tired. I’ve been trying to ease back into a real life, trying to do proper things, and this morning I went back to physio, and I bought vegetables on the way home, and I managed to do a little work.  This afternoon I’m going to ride my bike.  My current operating theory is that if I do lots of sane, sensible and healthy things, that soon I’ll start to feel sane, sensible and healthy, which I don’t just yet. I feel breakable and sad and I keep thinking that people are being insensitive, but I’m realizing I’m just sensitive right now.

shawlnotdone1 2017-09-11

I’m knitting again too – and yes, that implies I stopped and I mostly did.  The day after mum landed in hospital we were all to leave for week long family vacation to Nova Scotia. Me, Joe, the girls, Alex, the baby, Joe’s parents and siblings and Frankie and Luis, and my little niece Myrie and brand new baby Emmett. All off us heading off to Cape Breton for my niece Savannah‘s wedding. That’s who I was making that shawl for, the last time I wrote to you.  I had big plans to finish it and block it in Cape Breton, and give it to Savannah to wear on her wedding day.  That first day mum was sick, I told Joe and the girls to go ahead, and I’d stay home, get mum sorted (I was sure she just needed an antibiotic or something) and when I got her home I’d follow on a later flight and still make it for the wedding.

shawlnotdone2 2017-09-11

That’s not what happened.  I didn’t make it on a later flight, I did miss the vacation and the wedding, and it was a pretty lonely week. Usually when things are bad my knitting is a good friend to me.  I know you’re probably some of the only people in the world that I could say that to who won’t think I need to be committed immediately, but my knitting makes me less lonely, and keeps me company when things are rough.  You would think that ten rough days in the hospital culminating in the worst day of my life would add up to a lot of knitting, but it didn’t. What was happening was so destructive and so terrible that I couldn’t knit. I couldn’t do something productive in the face of all that, it felt trivial to even try.  Erin and I were at the hospital pretty much all the time, and we slept there for most nights of it, and there I was, holding my knitting all the time like it was some little comfort lovie, but didn’t really knit on it.  I managed a few stitches here and there, but didn’t finish the shawl in time for Sav to have it for her day.

shawlnotdone3 2017-09-11

It’s taken three whole weeks to manage what should have been two days worth of knitting, if that.

shawldone2 2017-09-11 (1)

It’s coming back now – the urge to knit is creeping in around the edges, as I start trying to feel better, or think that it’s even possible to feel better, as I start thinking about what comes next, or what a world without my mum in it looks like, since I guess that’s the one I have to live in now.  I keep telling my friends that I’m trying to have faith, some of them have lost their mothers, and my mum lost hers, and they all went on to have what looked like happy lives, so it must be that this feeling goes away, or is transformed, or you get used to it. I’m waiting for that to happen, and trying to be confident that it will – and that makes me less frightened.  As I wait and try to make that feeling of the new normal happen, I’m looking forward, and those ideas of building something or something being transformed… those feelings feel like knitting…

shawldone1 2017-09-11 (1)

and suddenly Sav’s shawl is finished.

shawldone4 2017-09-11 (1)

It’s too late for her wedding, but I’m giving it to her anyway.

shawldone3 2017-09-11 (1)

It’s a good time for beautiful things.

Tickle Tickle

Sep. 11th, 2017 01:00 pm
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Posted by Jen

And just like that, all of Josh's long years in therapy were undone.

 

 

Thanks, Dani E. That's one more memory I'll have to repress.

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